One Must Fall

[Fade... A strange, and beautiful planet comes into view... orbited by a glittering space station shapes like a cross. Majestically, a D'Deridex-Class warbird undocks and heads towards the viewer, as the voice-over begins....]

Space - the final chaos. This are the voyages of the starship Reunion, her incredible unusual mission to seek out new ways of living together and new civilizations to play cards with, to boldly go where no one has gone before!

*REUNION BRIDGE*
"Aye sir, engaging." Kurn replied. He touched the communications pad on his console. "U.S.S. Reunion to Kedanya Station, please release docking clamps."
"Affirmative," was the reply. Kurn frowned. It was Cassidy Yates running the docking bay this shift. "Good to hear your voice, Kurn. Releasing the clamps." The Bridge crew could feel the shudder of the massive clamps releasing the Warbird. "And Reunion, good luck!"
Kurn began to navigate away from the outpost, when the Captain said, "Helm, set a course for . . . where are the Klingons, Daramere?"
"Beltane IX, sir."
"Set a course for Beltane IX, then. Engage."
"Aye, sir." TheU.S.S. Reunion moved away from Kedanya Station, above the Solar plane, and leapt into warp speed. Captain Crusher turned to RoToRa. "Number One, have Liaison Officer Picard here on the bridge by the time we reach Beltane."
RoToRa's brow crinkled. "Cap'n, do we really need him?"
"Of course! A Klingon for our Ferengi-plagued Klingons."
RoToRa pointed at the Navigator. "But we've got Kurn for that."
Crusher's voice dropped to a whisper. "You know Kurn won't want to deal with the Klingons. Not after what the Chancellor Gowron did to his house."
"I suppose so. I'll go get Jeff, then." RoToRa walked to the turbolift, and was about to enter the open lift when Crusher called, "For Consort's sake, Number One, don't use that lift. You'll have to take the Jeffries tubes." RoToRa stopped, looked down, and was looking into three meters of air between him and the 'lift. "Thank you, sir."
RoToRa sighed. He disliked the Tubes. So cramped. Rather claustrophobic, actually. RoToRa had to smile slightly, though. The irony of fitting the Klingon Liaison Officer, Jeff Picard, into the Jefferies Tubes was amusing. With another sigh, RoToRa climbed into the Tube.
Wesley turned to the rest of his bridge crew. "Daramere, was there any more information in the transmission?"
The Lieutenant frowned. "Not really. It did say that the Klingon ship was the Pagh and the -" Wesley held his hand up. "The Pagh? Isn't that Captain Kargan's Ship?"
Daramere touched his control panel. "Yes. Commander William T. Riker went aboard that ship as an exchange officer. Got a nasty hit in the head there too."
"That's right. Now, as you were saying?"
"Yes, the Ferengi ship is called the Mercedes."
"Never heard of it."
Dr. Bob looked up from a padd he was reading. "Perhaps there is some information in the library."
Wesley's face brightened about 3 points. "Excellent. Geezer, you go down to the library on deck 3 and see if you can dig up anything on this Ferengi ship."
The counselor looked up. "Aye, sir." She walked toward the turbolift. As the doors opened, a collective voice from behind her pointed out, "Jeffries Tube."
As she closed the tube's door, Kurn shouted to the captain. "We are within visual range of the ships."
"Already??" Obviously Crusher hadn't expected the warp engines to be up to full speed yet.

*BELOW DECKS*
When RoToRa emerged from the Jefferies tube he encountered Ambassador Spock. Noting the raised eyebrow, he explained the situation.
"Ahh," replied Spock. "May I assume that you have found communications inoperative, given that you are crawling around the ship just to find someone?"
RoToRa pondered this for a moment, then said, "Nope. Not working." Of course, with all the perfect timing that Federation Communication Devices possess, his communicator badge beeped. Spock's eyebrow quirked upwards in response. With an annoyed swat, RoToRa activated the combadge. "RoToRa here."
It was Captain Crusher. "Just wanted to let you know that we've reached visual contact with the Ferengi."
"Thank you sir. Keep me updated. RoToRa out."

*BRIDGE*
"Sir...?" R'mor had a frown on his face. "I get strange readings from the Ferengi ship."
"Ferengi always cause strange readings," muttered Kurn.
Crusher was about to agree with that, but R'mor's voice made clear there was more to it. "Explain, Lieutenant."
"The Ferengi have modified metabolic readings. Not like drugs or anything. Just... different, but still, it does read as Ferengi..."
Dr. Bob, who was by now standing behind R'Mor (he was much to lazy to climb down the tubes with the Geezer) shook his head. "No, the readings are perfectly normal for pregnant Ferengi women."
"WOMEN?" The cry came from everybody else at once. Understandable considering the fact that Ferengi women normally were never seen anywhere... at least not dressed.
"That... that can't be true!" Kurn looked as if he was about to collapse. "Pregnant Ferengi women damaged the Pagh like that!??" Indeed, the Pagh was badly damaged. Crusher got up and scratched his head. "Open a channel to the Pagh first."
"Yes, sir," Daramere replied. A moment later, the image of Captain Kargan appeared on the screen. He had gotten a bad hit on the nose, or so it seemed. When he started talking that assumption proved correct.
"Gis is Gapdan Kaghahn frong the Klinghon bird of Brey bagh," he said, hardly understandable. "We have been addacked by dat Ferengi shib. We are in need of helb."
"I can see that, Captain..." Crusher stared at Kargan, trying not to show his curiosity. "Any casualties?"
"Some ibjured, but no one ish dead, Gabdan."
"Sir," came the voice of RoToRa over a Combadge, "I suggest we tow the Pagh to Kedanya, as they cannot move on their own anymore."
"Good idea," Crusher replied. "But first, let's talk to the Ferengi while we get the Klingons to sickbay."
"Channel open, Sir." Daramere responded before Crusher had to say anything.
"Ferengi Ship, this is Captain Crusher of the starship Reunion," remarked Captain Crusher, in the standard Federation greeting, "Why did you attack the Klingon ship?"
The woman who appeared to be in charge responded, "Reverse your intercept course and return to Kedanya. We will not warn you again. If you do not listen, you will end up like Captain Kargan and his ship."
Captain Crusher signaled to Daramere to mute communications. "Kurn, how long 'till intercept?" he asked. Kurn replied, "Just under 4 minutes."
RoToRa, who had quietly returned to the bridge (finding Ambassador Spock no help), spoke now, "Captain, if the Ferengi women did that to the Klingon Ship, they could do worse to us. We've got no weapons, and little power whatsoever. We should tow to Pagh back to Kedanya, and let that be the end of it."
But Captain Crusher wasn't easily convinced. He told Daramere to restore Communications. "Ferengi Captain, why did you attack the Klingon Ship?"
"They were in our way," bluntly replied the Ferengi Commander.
"Where are you headed?" Captain Crusher asked.
"We are making the Annual Pilgrimage to Vilmana I to have our children."
Captain Crusher had heard of the planet. Hot, humid, damp, just right for the Ferengi. And less than a lightyear away."Do you need an Escort? We'd be happy to be of service," he said.
"If you want, you can accompany us to Vilmana. But do not get in our way. End Transmission."
The screen returned to the Ferengi ship, and Captain Crusher sat back down. "Kurn, set course for Vilmana I, maxim -" he stopped in mid sentence - "Commander, what is our current maximum speed?"
RoToRa replied, "Warp 4.567542254647366344673 - "
"That's enough, Mr RoToRa," Captain Crusher sighed. "Kurn, set course to Vilmana I, Warp 4.5. Engage!" This time, there was little hesitation in the Klingon as his hands keyed in the appropriate commands.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

*Hard cut to a Scotsman, an Englishman and a police officer standing side by side. The Scotsman is the representative from Oatmeal Crisp. The Englishman is the guy from the Quaker Oatmeal box*

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SCOT That's rright. Weev develuped ah new brekfast cerrial to give the poleece to prrotect them frrom buullets.

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SCOT Because rreal oatmeal is thick enough to stop a buullet!

ENGLISH And it sticks to your ribs, to keep you warm, and safe, all day long.

*slow fade to picture of Kevlar Oatmeal box, then to black*

***WE NOW RETURN YOU TO THE REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM***

*HOLODECK 3*
RoToRa had been unable to find jeffpicard for a good reason. He was on the only working holodeck in a bath tube. And since he didn't liked to be disturbed he deactivated all communications and left his communicator in his room. After all, what was there to happen while they were still in Kedanya area? He was almost sleeping in the hot water, dreaming of Qo'nos, when suddenly the door opened.

*BELOW DECKS, NEAR HOLODECK 3*
Geezer had reached the holodeck (where the library was holographically located), tired from climbing through the tubes. Now she was trying to open the door, but it didn't work. Maybe there was already someone in there. But the holodeck controls declared the room as empty. Oh well, even if there was someone, this was certainly more important. The Captain needed information. Even when Geezer could not understand why on this ship archived information like that could not necessarily been asked for from the bridge, she admitted that a holographic library had some advantages. At least for those who loved books. "Computer, open Holodeck, this is an emergency! Authorization Geezer..." She hesitated, not being that good in remembering stuff. Carefully she took a crumbled paper out of her uniform pockets. "Authorization Geezer Alpha 45678," she completed. Funny that even with simple numbers she could hardly memorize the code. The computer accepted without comment and opened the doors. The next moment Geezer's eyes opened wide. The person in the bath tube covered with pink foam looked somehow familiar, but it needed another look and the use of her empathic abilities to be sure that it was the Klingon Liaison Officer. Geezer needed to gasp for air. "Jeff!" she exclaimed.
Kes's shout woke jeff from his nap. "DIS jI-" he began, then realizing that his translator wasn't with him, switched to Fed Standard, "I ask for privacy once a year, and suddenly everyone has to come barging in."
"Sorry!" Kes replied, and turned around.
Quickly, jeff removed himself from the tub, dried and put his uniform back on. "Was there a reason for this... interruption?"
"I was just trying to do some research in the holographic library"
"I see," Jeff said and walked out of the holodeck.
As he left Kes told him, "Somebody wants to see you somewhere"
The slightly confused jeff thanked her and returned to his quarters to retrieve his communicator, then proceeded to the Bridge, the most likely place Kes's request could have come from.
After startling Jeffrey so, a visibly shaken Kes retreated to the relative safety of the galley, her task in the library temporarily forgotten. There she found Chef Bragu busily concocting whatever it is that he concocts. She was tempted, only momentarily, to reveal what had just occurred, but thought better of it.
Chef Bragu, seeing the obvious tension so unnatural to the Geezer, quickly prepared one of his personal favorites, a root beer slushy . . . replete with an extra touch of pseudo-caffeine (an additive he has been working on since the days of the creation of synthale back at the emporium). Kes smiled whimsically, and accepted the tasty treat. Chef Bragu bowed, and retreated from the room, with a wisp of a smile on his face.

*BRIDGE*
Captain Crusher kept his eyes on the view screen as the Ferengi Ship stayed ahead of the Reunion at warp. Chief Security Officer Daramere piped up "Sir, has anyone considered that this maybe a trap?"
Captain Crusher had been looking down, imagining where the Klingon Liaison Officer and Geezer Kes had gone to.
"Daramere, don't fill your head with wild ideas. . . . Hmm, Geezer Kes has yet to return. Please go down and find her and our Klingon Liaison. He should have been here by now." Daramere left his post without acknowledgment.
As he left through the turbolift, Science Officer R'Mor spoke. "Sir, I'm picking up wierd vibrations in the Warp Field."
Crusher turned to the Science Officer, fresh from the Academy. "What are they?"
"It appears as if the Ferengi ship is backing into us. We can't drop out of warp for some reason."
"Navigator, can you verify?"
"Yes, sir, it appears that we are being pushed backwards."
Crusher turned his head to just feel the clanking of the Ferengi ship bumping backwards into the Reunion.
"Uh-Oh..." Kurn commented.

*BELOW DECKS*
Elsewhere, during the jostling all around, Chief Security Officer Daramere busted open jeffpicard's quarters to find it empty. "Odd, you would think he would be here." He found Geezer Kes and Bragu in the Galley. "Where is jeffpicard?"
Kes piped up "He should be on the bridge by now"
"Spam?" Bragu offered. Daramere turned it away, for now.
"I have a hunch," Kes announced, and they all want to the Holodeck. They burst in to find jeffpicard in his tub. "Why you little...." Daramere exclaimed. Just as suddenly, the power in the Holodeck went off, closing the doors shut, trapping all four of them in the Holodeck, with jeffpicard screaming cold water.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

*Bragu appears holding a small can of something.*

Hi. I'm sure that you're real hungry right now, and you mouth is even watering. Well, have I got a perfect solution for you "Uncle Bragu's Spam --&-- Root Bear Slushy Cook Out!" This new restaurant will promise to give you the best quality of reprocessed dead cows and re-made soda bubbles you will find anywhere! Our prices are the lowest of any Spam Food Chain since we use immigrated Hong Kong workers! Come one, come all, to the greatest food you can find under a cotton roof!

TODAY'S SPECIALTY
Soup, Bragu Style! That's Cucumber Mix, with Spam Edges, lettuce, olives, cow legs, and Hong Kong worker's sweat!

***NOW BACK TO OUR NORMALLY PLANNED PROGRAM***

*HOLODECK 3*
Kes woke up from her nightmare. She had fallen asleep in the holographic library, jeffpicard had left, and the power wasn't out. "I must tell Bragu that his root beer is giving me nightmares," With that, she returned to her information search. However, that was slightly impaired by the fact that the ship was bucking up and down. "Geezer Kes to the bridge,"
The captain responded. He sounded stressed. "What is it Geezer?"
"Were we just rammed by the Ferengi ship?"
"Uh, yes. How'd you know?"
"Bad dream."
"Ah."
"Geezer out." So, she thought to herself, that part wasn't a dream. The Ferengi really had rammed the Reunion!

*BRIDGE*
Meanwhile, jeffpicard arrived on the bridge just as Daramere had left to look for him.
The U.S.S. Reunion started to bump up and down. Assistant Engineer, Neral, who was on the bridge, announced "Captain, the shields are buckling!"
Kurn tried to turn the ship around, but was unable to prevent a collision course with the Ferengi vessel.
"Prepare for impact!" yelled Captain Crusher.
But there was no collision at all.
"Sir!" Science Staff Red Hedgehog yelled. "They have beamed all of the Ferengi to the Holodeck!" Captain Crusher spun around just as Daramere appeared on the bridge.
"Sir, I couldn't find-- oh, there is jeffpicard."
"Daramere, take your security troops and head towards the Holodeck, the Ferengi are there."

Daramere turned, got The Ninja Scot and Roga Danar and rushed to Deck 3, the location of the Holodeck.
"Daramere, the door is sealed shut!" yelled Roga. Everyone started firing their phasers, with no effects. "They must have Mag-Sealed it!"

Inside in the Holodeck, the Ferengi were active. "Computer, activate all Holographic characters," said the head Ferengi. The Green Knight, Riker T., Jack Crusher, Goddess Of Empathy, and Boss materialized. "Girls," The head Ferengi turned to the other Ferengi, a smug, satisfied look on her face. "We have found a place better than Vilmana I!"

Geezer Kes awoke from her sleep again. She had yet another wierd dream, this time about Cardassian Voles. But she heard giggling coming form somewhere on the Holodeck, she immediately got up to investigate. The next she heard was a click of a Ferengi Disruptor at her head. Her face turned pale white as she saw the crew of the Ferengi ship partying with the Holodeck characters and preparing to have their children.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***
Fade to black.

Suddenly a jumble of colors and sounds come on the screen, not even allowing you to discover what the commercial is about. Just as suddenly, the Nike Swish appears.

Fade to black.
***WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM***

At the same time as the Ferengi festivities in the Holodeck, Ambassador Tomalak was sitting in his quarters, counting the nails in the ugly wall in front of his eyes.

*HOLODECK 3*
"What... Where..?" the Green Knight said, obviously confused.
"Is someone looking for a book?" asked a PHL, Jack Crusher, in a 'patient' kind of tone.
"Embrace Empathy," was all the confusing Goddess of Empathy had to say.
"Wah 'appenn'd? This ain't where I wazz!" Boss finished up the chorus of Holographic Characters.
"Computer, Mute holograms," the Ferengi female said.
"They're far more fun when they're not blubbering," commented one of other Ferengi.

"Pulllllllllllll!!!" yelled Daramere. He had assembled his entire Security Staff, and they still had has little success pulling open the door. "PPPPPUUUUULLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!" After another minute of trying to force the door open, they gave up. "Daramere to bridge, it's not going to budge. We should try to either enter from the top of the holodeck, or beam in."
"Transporters are still down, and will be for a long time," stated RoToRa.
Crusher interjected. "O.K., here's what we're going to do. Daramere, you will continue trying to get into holodeck through the front door. Try explosives. Maelwys, Kurn, take the Jefferies Tubes and try to break in from the top. R'Mor, RoToRa, concentrate all your efforts on the transporters. I want them functional, ASAP. I'm going to try and talk with the Ferengi. Everyone Understand?" Captain Crusher had not taken a breath throughout the entire speech, and did now, as there were no objections. "Good."

R'Mor and RoToRa hurried to the transporter room. The transporter was in such terrible shape, they'd almost have to re-invent the thing.

Daramere and his Security team were getting ready to use explosives on the Holodeck Door. "All right everyone, Stand Back!" Daramere shouted.
From inside the holodeck, Kes was trying to find a way out. "Computer Exit!" she quietly repeated for what seemed like the Trillionth time, Finally the computer responded and showed her the exit. The Ferengi Females seemed to not notice her whispers, or the sudden appearance of a door in the holo-library. Kes crept to the door, trying not to attract the attention of the intruders. When she approached the door, it wouldn't open, she struggled for 15 minutes while the security team was carefully placing the Explosives, then she just barely heard Daramere's voice as he yelled something barely audible, and she pounded on the door.
"They're trying to open it from the inside," Daramere noted, "why would they beam into a closed room and try to get out of it?"
Kes tapped in morse code on the Door. Upon hearing this Dar realized that Kes had to still be inside as none of the Ferengi Women inside would have known Morse Code.
"Security to Bridge, Kes is still inside the holodeck, I'm afraid that if we blow the doors open that she may be injured."
The captain sighed. "Very well, perhaps they'll have luck from the Jeffries tubes, but keep your people in the area, if they manage to open the door, I don't want them running all over my ship."

*JEFFERIES TUBE 13*
Inside the Jeffries tubes, Maelwys had made the mistake of letting Kurn lead the way. "How many more wrong turns are we going to take?"
"Ummmm... None, this should be it." They opened the hatch, and entered into Sickbay.
"O.K., Kurn, this is Sickbay, not the holodeck. So, that makes Sickbay, Engineering, the Science Lab, and the Waste Disposal Unit we've visited on our tour of the ship. Perhaps I should lead the way?"
"Fine, you lead the way," They re-entered the Jeffries Tube, with Maelwys in the lead.
In the Transporter room, RoToRa, and Dr. R'Mor had managed to take the Transporter completely apart, and put it back together.
"What should I do with these extra parts RoToRa?"
"They must go somewhere, I supposed we should start over."

Daramere and his security team stood ready at the doors to the holodeck, waiting in hope that somebody else could do something so they wouldn't have to resort to their deadly explosives. Meanwhile, in the Transporter Room....

R'Mor and RoToRa stood back and admired their handiwork. "Well, we've finally got this thing back together," declared Dr. R'Mor.
"Yup, let's power it up and.. wait.." RoToRa noticed something, "What's this thing over here? It says Hie, Heisen, I don't know, some kinda compensator. Should it be lying on the floor?"
"Shoot, you're right. We probably need that. Back to square one" Dr. R'Mor and RoToRa once more dismantled the transporter, to start over.

*JEFFERIES TUBE 47*
Maelwys and Kurn continued their long crawl through the Jefferies tubes, emerging briefly in the Transporter Room for Maelwys to recommend the use of Duct Tape to fix the transporters. Then they continued onward, finally arriving on the Holodeck. At least, that's where they thought they were. But the large wooden wall in front of them didn't look like a holodeck. Until Kurn reached up and pushed a secret button, causing the bookcase to swing open like a trap door. Now they were finally in the library, with only bookshelves between them and a bunch of cavorting, pregnant Ferengi.
"Ummmm, Hi," Maelwys said cautiously as the female Ferengi stared hungrily at the two officers. One of the Ferengi Drew her disruptor, and pointed it at the navigational misfit.
"How did you get in here?!?" she demanded an answer of Kurn.
"We um... ah... we were...."

*TRANSPORTER ROOM*
"There we go!" enthusiastically stated the tired Romulan science officer. "We took it apart 4 times, but now we finally have it put back toge--" He noticed a few extra pieces lying on the ground.
"Uh-oh," commented RoToRa.

*OUTSIDE HOLODECK 3*
Daramere and his Security team had nothing to do except wait and try to decipher the tappings the Ocampan Counselor was, well, tapping on the holodeck door. So they had gone across the hall to the casino.
"5 Card Stud, duces wild, jacks or better to open." It was obvious that Tomek had gone over the frace 1,000 times in his head. "Who's in?" Daramere and 3 of his security staff all anted, but wondered if Tomek was playing with a stacked deck.

*HOLODECK 3*
Kes was now getting no answer from her repeated tappings on the holodeck door. She sighed. And continued tapping.

*TRANSPORTER ROOM*
"Eureka!" RoToRa cried. The yelp caused R'Mor to fall back down on his bottom. He looked back up. "We have found all of the missing pieces of the transporter. It should work now. Shall we test?"
R'Mor looked at him with an odd expression. "You mean we should beam in by ourselves?"
RoToRa shrugged for a moment. He continued to examine the console. "How about you try it? We don't have time to test it. Put on the Emergency Transporter Armband and I will get you out in a moment's worth of trouble."
R'Mor gave RoToRa a sarcastic look.
"Uh-Huh, and make me a sacrificial red-shirt."
RoToRa said nothing.
"Oh, very well," R'Mor finally proclaimed. He strapped on the Armband and stepped on the Transporter Padd.
"Here we go" RoToRa announced. And in a sparkling beam, R'Mor disappeared.

*REUNION CASINO*
Roga Dana finally looked up Tomek. "This deck must have been stacked. I want my latinum back, now."
Tomek didn't even move a gesture. "Sorry, no refunds."
Danar started to get up with a long, angry scowl on his face. He pulled for his phaser just as Ace Rimmer burst through the door. Ace was totally bald since Bot The Barber had made an 'accident' when cutting his hair. Ace glared at everyone. "What are you doing in here still? RoToRa says that the transporter is up! He is just waiting for a signal from R'Mor."
Danar didn't even give a second look at Ace. Neither did Daramere or the rest of the security guards. "Tomek," Daramere announced. "You are under Federation Arrest for attempting to steal credits from Federation citizens."
Ace, who was now totally frustrated, ran off to the transporter room.

*HOLODECK 3*
A sparkling beam appeared in the Holodeck as R'Mor beamed in. Just as suddenly, the Ferengi women hauled Maelwys and Kurn into the Holodeck. "Her!" one of the Ferengi Women yelled at Geezer Kes. "She has been trying to open the Holodeck doors!" Geezer Kes apparently had forgotten that the Ferengi have better hearing normal humanoids. Her entire attempt to open the Holodeck Door had been heard.
R'Mor, just as he suddenly reached for his Armband, was shot in the shoulder. He grabbed for his arm in pain. The head Ferengi woman turned around in fury. "Shoot them!" she announced. Just as suddenly, Ace Rimmer beamed in. He raised his phaser, just to be shot in the back by one of the Ferengi.
Kurn thought aloud, "Dr. Bashier and his Medical Team are going to have an interesting day if we make it out alive."
"Don't worry," the head Ferengi said grinning. "You won't make it out alive."
Suddenly Maelwys noted Goddess Of Empathy trying to tell him something through her muteness. "Computer, de-activate mute command on the Holograms and prevent further alteration of the Holograms. Authorization Code Maelwys0567890"
The Ferengi turned around, dropping their attention from their captives.
The Goddess Of Empathy spoke up, "Time to have a party of our own!"
The Ferengi trembled in terror.
So did Kurn.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK --DON'T YOU JUST LOVE COMMERCIALS?***

Did Somebody Say McDonald's?

(of course, 6 Months ago, it was)
Did you have your break today?

(and, before that, it was)
Food Folks are fun.

So basically, one of the thousands of McDonald's commercials ;-)

***BACK TO THE SHOW***

*TRANSPORTER ROOM*
RoToRa was tired of waiting for a signal from R'Mor or Ace, so he tried locking onto the signals in the Holodeck that weren't Ferengi. Unfortunately, at that point the Transporter Padd started to explode in sparks. RoToRa realized the bubble gum that he used to hold together some of the circuits had finally broke.

In her quarters, Lwaxana Troi suddenly felt fear from R'Mor, Maelwys, Kes, Kurn, and the crippled Ace. She knew only of one thing she could do. She quickly curled back up under her covers.

*BRIDGE*
Captain Crusher was furious. Besides the fact that all of his bridge crew except Dyluk, Willy Tom Riker, and jeffpicard were gone, communications was down.
"Sir!" said a tired Jenice Manheim who had just crawled form Sickbay via the Jefferies Tubes. "The Klingons are in Sickbay demanding to know why we have yet to do something about the Ferengi. They are furious that they were attacked by pregnant Ferengi."
The Captain turned to jeffpicard. "OK, jeff, Jenice, come with me to Sickbay. Lets see if we can't settle down the Ferengi. Mr. Tom Riker, take the Tubes to the Transporter Room, see if RoToRa made any progress. While you're gone, make sure to get Red Hedgehog, Vorrin Nal, Hugh, and Red 9 to staff the rest of the bridge. Dyluk, you have the bridge."
Dyluk had no clue what to do, but didn't speak up.
"Oh yeah," Jenice said as they walked through the turbolift door. Suddenly, all three of them tumbled down about a foot. "The turbolift isn't working."
Captain Crusher sighed to himself as the three of them started extracted themselves from the broken turbolift to climb through the Jefferies Tubes.

*HOLODECK 3*
R'Mor lay there in pain next to the apparently dead or dying Ace. In the background the Holograms started to advance on the Ferengi who were backing into the corner of the library. Next to him Ace Rimmer started to move. His head turned to R'Mor and he said, "Got any morphine?"
R'Mor look at him in astonishment. "Shouldn't you be dead? Or at least dying?" R'Mor said.
"What, do I look stupid? I always put on body armor before I beam into a potentially dangerous situation!" He groaned, "But I didn't expect them to have their disruptors set to kill!" He groaned again and collapsed once more.
"Great," R'Mor said.

*TRANSPORTER ROOM*
RoToRa stared at the exploded transporter in front of him. "What am I going to do now?" Just then the doors to the transporter room opened and 7of11 and half a dozen other engineering personnel entered.
"So, RoToRa. I hear you've got a problem with the transporter." 7of11 said in a cool professional voice.
"Yeah. You think you can fix it?"
"But of course!" 7of11 turned to the rest of his engineering crew, "Ok boys! Get to it!" The engineers started to dismantle the transporter with amazing speed.
"I thought you still believed in the collective." RoToRa said to 7of11.
"Some days I do, some days I don't. You know how it is."

*BACK ON THE HOLODECK*
Maelwys and Kurn trembled as the Goddess Of Empathy grabbed one of the Ferengi's disruptors and turned it on her.
"Um... that's set to kill you know" Boss said to her.
"Oh, yeah." the Goddess Of Empathy changed the setting on the disruptor to stun and shot the Ferengi. She dropped to the floor.
Boss grabbed the disruptor form the Goddess Of Empathy. "That wasn't very smart."

*BACK IN THE TRANSPORTER ROOM*
"Sir, Sir! I found the problem!" One of 7of11's engineers yelled.
"Good. What is it?" 7of11 asked.
"This Heisenberg Compensator is all gummed up."
"Now why would a Heisenberg Compensator be gummed up?" 7of11 asked more to himself than to anybody.
RoToRa turned away and whistled inconspicuously. 7of11 didn't notice.
"Well, then fix it." 7of11 said to the engineer.
"I'll have to grab another one, sir." he said.
"Hurry."

*JEFFERIES TUBES 31*
"We're almost there," a tired Jenice told the Captain. "Just a few more meters..." She stopped. Part of the Jefferies tube was missing. there was a huge drop-off between section 31A and 31C. Jefferies Tube 31B wasn't there. "What should we do?" Jenice asked.
"We could jump." offered the Captain.
"Heavens no!" Jenice avoided certain doom. "We'll have to find another way to Sickbay."

*IN THE CASINO*
"You're under Arrest for violating Federation Penal Code 7734, using a Stacked deck. You have the right to..." Roga Danar read Tomek his rights, as he escorted the Casino operator to the brig. After Tomek was safely locked up in the brig, Roga decided to go to the Transporter Room, as he had the foggiest idea someone had wanted him to go there earlier...

*IN THE TRANSPORTER ROOM*
"There we go, the new Compensator is up and running. The transporter should work now. Do we have a volunteer?" 7 of 11 was pleased with his work, and wanted to prove he had fixed it. At the Same time, Roga walked in. "Ah, a volunteer! Step onto the Transporter Pad, please." Roga was on the transporter pad before he knew what was happening. "Energize," Said 7. Roga materialized in the Holodeck...

*IN THE HOLODECK*
.... With one small problem. He materialized right in the middle of the Goddess of Empathy and a Ferengi Female, just as the Phaser beam was being fired. Roga fell, stunned. "Oops!" commented the Goddess.

*IN THE TRANSPORTER ROOM*
RoToRa was tried of waiting for a signal from Danar. He prepared to beam himself, along with 7, to the Holodeck with a pair of Phaser Rifles. But alas, the transporter would not work. 7 looked up. "Sir, someone has cut power from the transporter to bridge systems."
RoToRa looked at 7, blindly. "Re-route power from elsewhere."
"We can only do that from Engineering, which requires a crawl through the Jefferies Tubes..."
RoToRa sighed as he took off the panel covering the Jefferies Tube.

*ON THE BRIDGE*
Dyluk finally finished converting power from a few systems he didn't think were necessary. Sensors were back up, along with ship to ship communications, but shields, ship wide communications, and turbolifts were still down. Dyluk's eyes lit up in horror when he saw what the sensors had picked up. "Ferengi ships!" he yelled to no one, since no one else was on the bridge. "Three more of them!"
At this moment, Alidar Jarok, Lwaxana Troi, Sirna, and Spock all busted through a Jefferies Tube from the V.I.P. Deck. Alidar Jarok spoke up first. "Mrs. Troi sensed a problem. We came up here immediately to find out what that problem is."
Dyluk nodded. He pointed at the sensor scans. "I think they came to pick up their comrades..."
Spock raised his eyebrow. "Where is the bridge crew?"
"Gone," Dyluk replied. "They all went elsewhere."
"Then you'll need a bridge crew. I'll be acting captain for now. Sirna, take tactical. Alidar, take Ops. Dyluk, Navigation."
Lwaxana Troi wondered aloud what she should do.
"Analyze the sensor scans from Science Station, see if these Ferengi are also pregnant." Dyluk didn't mention that was his job, since those were the orders. "Sir!" Lwaxana shouted. "It looks as if they are trying to activate a transporter lock on us!"
All went silent on the bridge.

*IN THE WASTE DISPOSAL AREA*
"Vorrin! Hugh! Red 9!" Willy was yelling for the crew he was suppose to be getting for back up bridge command. He tried every exit on the Jefferies tube, and this is where he ended up. He crawled back up it and decided to recheck everything.

*ON THE HOLODECK*
"Argh!" Maelwys yelled as he slammed his fist over the Ferengi's head, knocking her unconscious.
"Nice," Kurn commented as he stunned another Ferengi, just to be suddenly shot in the back by a mis-fire shot by Jack Crusher.
"Whoops, sorry, but I am better at heaving books then firing disrupters." Jack then threw a few books at some Ferengi. Suddenly a gigantic beam of yellowish-orange spread across them room.
"What the..." Maelwys never finished his words. For all non-Holodeck characters were beamed out, elsewhere.
The Goddess Of Empathy turned her head to Boss. "What did you do?" she said, impatiently.
"Wasn't me!" Boss yelled. They all turned to Jack.

*JEFFERIES TUBE 65*
Captain Crusher was about to remove the cover over the exit of the Jefferies tubes that lead to sickbay when suddenly a transporter beam sparkled over Manheim and himself, and they disappeared from the crowded tube.

*ON THE BRIDGE*
"Sir!" Lwaxana shouted to Spock. "They have beamed out everyone from the Holodeck and all connecting Jefferies tubes!"
"All connecting ones?!" Spock shouted in return.
"That sounds right for a beam that big that is meant to pick up several hundred people. They just 'accidentally' picked up our crew," noted Alidar. Everyone wondered how he knew all of this info. He shrugged and said, "Old Romulan war information."
"That must be nearly a dozen crewmembers. Sirna, hail the Ferengi ships."
"No response, they are beginning to warp to Vilmar I at Warp 8."
"Then open fire and disable their engines " Spock said as he tried to get comfortable in his chair.
"Wait a second!" Lwaxy yelled. "Where is Tomalak? He was coming behind us in the Jefferies tubes. I think he may have gotten lo--" She cut herself off, remembering where the good Romulan Ambassador was. He was in the Jefferies tubes, hence he was now with the Ferengi.... The entire bridge crew squirmed a little at this prospect, except Sirna, who remembered his orders to fire.

*SOMEWHERE*
Ambassador Tomalak didn't know what was going on when he suddenly had the feeling of being transported somewhere. The orange glimmer in front of his eyes seemed all too real, but when it was gone he still saw the Jeffries tubes in front of him. He sighed. It must have been his imagination. But when he crawled on he realized that the colors were slightly different, not the typical grey-green of Romulan Jeffries tubes. And what was that strange scent?? Something was definitely not in place, and it looked like that was him...

*HOLODECK 3*
"What happened?" The Goddess of Empathy stared at Jack Crusher. "Shall we terminate our program now?"
"Nah, I dunnoh think so." Boss coughed and addressed the main computer. " 'Puter, what happened?"
"No information available," the female voice replied. "Shit," Boss muttered.
Jack shook his head. "This is the library program," he said. "Is anybody out there? Could you please tell us what happened? We are just holograms, but we definitely have some rights as well...."
"Yeah," Boss agreed. "Holo rights."
The Goddess looked from one to the other, not knowing if they were serious or not. A voice from the bridge answered. "This is Ambassador Spock. I am in command right now. The Ferengi beamed most of the crew off. You can be of no help at the moment. I suggest you terminate your program, so we will have enough energy available."
"Sounds logical," Jack replied and wanted to shut of their programs, when Boss shot an angry look at him. "Shut down, eh? And leave all dat fun to dem, eh? Nah, not with me!"
"What do you have in mind? We cannot leave the holodeck." Jack shrugged his holographic shoulders. "And they need the energy."
"Nonsense. Wassup with your brain, buddy? Since when is holographic energy compatible with the rest of the ship, eh? There're many ships with lack of energy resources dat still use holodecks without regret!"
"Hmm..." Jack quickly checked his database. "Right, Boss. So what now?"
"I've somethin' in mind, ya two. Listen up now..."

*BRIDGE*
"Sir," Sirna shouted. "Weapons are not responding. Instead I get an old Romulan code saying something..."
"Shouting won't make it better, Mr. Kolrami." Spock almost sighed. "Let me see it." While the Ferengi went into warp, followed by the Reunion, Spock checked the data on Sirna's screen. "That... that is illogical." Spock frowned when he saw what it was. "It is a weapons security code, as you may have suspected, but..."
Ambassador Troi had not seen Spock so confused since she attempted to invite him to her wedding. "What is going on, can I assist you somehow?"
"I doubt it Mrs. Troi." Spock stared at the screen and was definitely frustrated. "It is a riddle. We have to solve it before we get access to the weapons."
"Oh?" Lwaxana could not help but laugh. "How nice. I love riddles. But I am sure you are faster as anyone of us, Mr. Spock!"
"Not in this case... I don't see a sense in this riddle...though it is luckily in standard, but still..."
"Oh, I am good in those!" Lwaxana sat down besides the computer and smiled. "It is all easy, you just have to think weird. "See -- feline animal displayed like an award... cat-as-trophy... catastrophe." The moment she said that word the weapons came back online. Spock really had problems not to shout..."RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

*JUST OUTSIDE OF THAT OTHER, WIERD SMELLING, ODD-COLOURED JEFFERIES TUBE*
From the moment Tomalak left the Jeffries tube he lived to regret it. He by then knew he had beamed to somewhere else, most likely the Ferengi ship, but he didn't expect to fall down from the top of the engineering section. He expected his end when he fell onto something soft...
"Ambassador," Captain Crusher said, only slightly annoyed. "Did you plan on killing me and alert our foes or you just didn't watch your step!?? Good thing I am a Traveler, otherwise I would be hurt..." He got up again and checked if the Romulan was hurt. Seeing this wasn't the case, he quickly looked around and decided to use his powers to take control of the bridge. "We will take control of the ship, Ambassador. We have some help though," he announced and pointed out the others that came with him.

*REUNION BRIDGE*
"Mr. Kolrami" said Spock. "Lock onto the Ferengi ships and fire all phasers. Target their weapons only." Sirna worked the board frantically, then announced, "We have one working phaser, captain! Targeting now! Firing!"

*BELOW DECKS*
Melota passed the Holodeck on her search for Doctor Bob who was missing, as well as almost all of the crew as well. Interestingly, the doors of one of the holodecks was open, and in there were the holocharacters arguing. All the important holos were running at once, and when they realized they were watched, the PHL turned to the nurse, "What a coincidence," Jack Crusher said. "Just the help we need."
"Get goin', man, lemme do it..." Boss came close to the exist and bowed his head. "'Scuse me, Ma'am, would you poss'bly be willing to assist us in our quest to get the rest of da crew back??"
"You know where they are?" Melota had just been waking up short after the Ferengi beamed most of the people out and had no clue there even had been Ferengi on the ship.
Crusher pushed away the gangster imitation. "I got new information from the ship's computer. Let me brief you on the latest happenings..."

*FERENGI SHIP*
Tomalak's back was still hurting when he was following the Captain to the exit. The Ferengi engineering section was empty, and he wondered why. Someone should pay more attention.
Wesley was not so happy about having to go to their adversary's bridge the conventional way, but he couldn't possibly leave the Romulan alone. The Great Bird of the Galaxy beware of a roaming-around ambassador.
"No one there," said Tomalak. "Let's go." Of course no one was there. Crusher had known that sometime before the Romulan came near the door. Oh, well, it would be a long way up to the Bridge.

*HOLODECK 3*
"I understand." Melota looked at the created, but self aware holos and shrugged her shoulders. "But I don't see anything I could do to help you."
"Ya can, Ma'am," Boss replied and tried to behave educated. "What we'd need is a holoprojector!"
"There must be one in the storage room not far from here." Jack Crusher nodded to the left. "Then we can go out and help the crew," Goddess of Empathy said. "After all, we are not that vulnerable. We can't get shot."
"But what if the projector gets destroyed...??" The Green Knight looked rather worried.
"What if the ship gets destroyed? Brake it, man. Are ya a knight or a mouse?" Boss bowed to Melota. "Please, help us..."
"I guess it's in the ship's interest if I do." Melota turned and sighed. "I hope I am doing the right thing..."
"Thank you," the PHL said and watched her reaching for the storage room.

*REUNION BRIDGE*
Sirna's face lit up in wonder. "Sir," he said, turning to Spock. "The only phaser bank we have remaining with power is not responding." At that moment the three Ferengi ships warped away to Vilmar I. "That is only a light year away from here. And since we can't go beyond Warp 3, they will be there before us, in plenty of time."
Spock started analyzing the situation. "Very well. Attempt to get us to Vilmar I at Warp 3. We may be too late, but we still must try."
"Not to mention there may be an armada of ships there," Dyluk grumbled.

*ON THE FERENGI SHIP*
The Ferengi ship bounced up suddenly and great amounts of warp engine power came from the engineers, knocking everyone down for a second. Captain Crusher turned to his crew which had came with him to this ship. "We had better split up and all try to reach the bridge from here. Let's divide up into teams."
"Um, sir?" Kurn asked. "Can't you just use your powers to get us up there?"
"I can't do that, Mr. Kurn, my powers are still regenerating. Ferengi warp engines cause a minor disturbance with my power, thus causing me to go into regenerating stage with them." Kurn sighed.
"Alpha Team with me!" Captain Crusher raised his hand and Jenice, along with the badly injured Ace Rimmer, jeffpicard, and Willy Tom Riker formed his team. Captain Crusher also grabbed Tomalak's arm and forced him to come with his team.
"Beta Team with me!" Roga Danar raised his arm and Geezer Kes, Kurn, and 7 of 11 formed around him.
"Gamma Team with me!" RoToRa raised his hand and Maelwys and Dr. Telek R'Mor formed around him.
"All right," Captain Crusher announced. "I wouldn't be surprised if we have already reached Vilmar I, but we still must get to the bridge. None of us have weapons, because the Ferengi destroyed them in transport, so to get a disruptor try to um..." Captain Crusher didn't know what to say to his crew.
"We will think of something," Roga assured him. And the crew split up. Unknowingly to them, the three Ferengi ships had met up with around fifteen other Ferengi ships and were beaming down their females to Vilmar I, which still left quite a large number of males in the Reunion Teams' way.

*IN SICKBAY*
Doc Bashir found himself with Will Scarlett, Doc Bob, and lotsa angry Klingons. "Where is jeffpicard and the Captain?" Will whispered. "Jenice should have gotten them by now."
Bashier nodded at him and went back to work on a broken arm of one of the Klingons. "Enough is enough!" One of them yelled, grabbed a hypospray, and put it straight to Will's neck. The poor kid dropped like a ton of bricks.
Two other Klingons grabbed Doc Bob and Bashier into grips. "Take use to your bridge!" they yelled.
"This isn't very honorable, ya know," Doc Bob commented while wheezing for air.
"We do not care for honor!," the head Klingon yelled. "We are rebelling from the House Of Tener! Take us to the bridge, or we will snap all of your necks!" With the only option left, then three Doctors were dragged out to the hallway.
"The turbolift is down," Bashier said, gasping for air.
"We will not crawl through all of Jefferies tubes!" the Klingon yelled. They dragged the three doctors back to sick bay, grabbed the phasers in their pockets and pointed it at them. "Looks like your on the other end of the phaser, Doctors! Now get us contact with the bridge, or else!"
Doc Bob and Bashier knew that wasn't possible, because communications were down. Bob shrugged, and was hit across the head. "Then we wait for someone from your bridge to come down here and listen to us," growled the Klingon.
And so they waited.

*ON THE HOLODECK*
Melota came back with the Holoprojector. "Great!" all the Holograms said in harmony.
"You'll need to activate the ODN relay near Engineering to start the projector," RikerT --the Holographic Engineer-- pointed out.
"Oh very well," Melota sighed and started climbing through the Jefferies tubes. "On my way back maybe I will check in Sickbay, see if Doc Bob came back." She proceeded on her way to Engineering.

*IN THE BRIG*
"Hello?" Tomek yelled. "HELLLOOOO?!" He heard his voice echo around the entire deck. No one was there. Something had happened. "What should I do now?" he thought aloud. Suddenly, he had an idea.

*HOLODECK 3*
Melota switched on the ODN relay, and crawled back to the Holodeck. "I'm done," she said to RikerT.
"I'm ready here." RikerT stated. "1.... 2... 3.... Now!" The Holoprojector was on.
Melota returned to the Jefferies Tube, then called back to the Holograms. "I'm going to look for Doc Bob. If you need me, I'll be in Engineering running the Holoprojector." And she left.
"What do we do now?" asked the Goddess of Empathy.
"I hadn't thought that far ahead..." said RikerT.

*ON THE FERENGI SHIP, ALPHA TEAM*
Captain Crusher and his team moved quickly toward the bridge. They were near the top, but not sure how near. "Captain, I think there's something over hea-" Ace Rimmer didn't have time to finish the sentence before the Ferengi Disruptor beam hit him. "Uh-Oh." Willy Tom Riker commented.

*BETA TEAM*
Beta Team had been climbing up the Jefferies tubes for 15 minutes now, and were, too, nearing the bridge. "I think we're at about deck 3. Only 2 more decks of climbing."
"Hurrah." Kurn said sarcastically. Suddenly, the Geezer Kes fell backwards off the ladder. 7 Extended his arm. "I got 'cha. What happened?"
"I felt a great disturbance in the universe. I think Ace Rimmer is hurt."
"Uh-Oh." Kurn Commented.

*GAMMA TEAM*
Gamma team was in the Ferengi Transporter Room, trying to make Heads or Tails of it. "Maybe..." Dr. R'Mor Trailed off. There was an explosion on the transporter padd. "Oops," R'Mor said.
"What If I..." RoToRa thought he had the answer. There was an explosion on the transporter control panel. "Oops," He said.
"If I do this..." R'Mor 'did this' and the transporter padd exploded, again. "Oops," he said.
"This will work." RoToRa was sure. Suddenly, there was another explosion on the control panel. "Oops," RoToRa said.
"Uh - Oh." Commented Maelwys.

*ON THE BRIDGE*
Suddenly, all the bridge crew saw the tell-tale glimmer of an de-cloaking ship. A couple of seconds later, a Klingon Vor'cha-Class cruiser appeared near the Reunion.
Sirna turned to Ambassador Spock and told him "They are hailing us, shall I respond?"
Ambassador Spock had been in situations with the Klingons before and he had the feeling that his experience would certainly be of vast importance in the next few minutes. "Open channels, Sirna".
On the view screen a Klingon head and shoulders appeared. "I am Captain Jodmos of the Imperial Klingon Vessel Kro'var, you have known enemies of the Empire on board your vessel. Turn them over and we will give you assistance with your repairs. Otherwise . . . . " He let the statement trail off, as if to add emphasis.
"How do we know that you are not the real enemy, yourself?" Ambassador Spock inquired.
"If we were we would not be having this conversation. We can clearly see the damage to your vessel and it would certainly not be much of a fight should we decide to destroy it. But, enough, we only seek our enemies. I hope that you can see the wisdom in turning them over to us. Also, if it reassures you, we have no intentions of killing them. They are to be returned to Qo'nos for trial." replied Jodmos.
"As you probably know we took on board several Klingons from a damaged Bird of Prey. They were being treated for minor injuries the last time I heard. Unfortunately, due to our damage the internal communications is down. It may take some time to organize their transfer."
"We would be honored to assist. We will beam over several Security details and some Engineering staff to assist you. If that is all right, of course?"
Ambassador Spock motioned for communications to be muted. "Ambassador Troi, your views, if you please?"
"Well, I think we'll have to go with it. The additional Engineers that the Klingons can supply will speed up our repairs immensely. My only reservation is that they didn't mention what the crimes were."
Dyluk spoke up. "Ambassador, our Biofile on Captain Jodmos is incomplete, to say the least, but reports from other Starfleet vessels that he has contacted suggested that he is trust-worthy. Of course he may not know the full story behind the crimes."
"All right, we will allow 3 Security and 2 Engineering teams onboard," Ambassador Spock said before getting Sirna to reopen the channel.
"Captain, we have reviewed your request and will allow you to send over some away teams. The details will be forwarded now."
"Thank you Ambassador, you will not regret this," replied Jodmos as he shimmered in a transporter beam. Then he was on the bridge of the Reunion. "We have beamed the Engineering crews directly there, the Security details will be beamed on board now." With that 3 groups of Klingons appeared on the bridge with disruptors drawn.
"I knew we shouldn't have trusted those damned Klingons" exclaimed Alidar.
"It's all right, Alidar Jarok, it was just a precaution in case our enemies had taken the bridge."
"Lower your weapons," ordered Jodmos. "Now, Ambassador, we have some rebels to catch". Jodmos turned and walked into the turbolift. After a short drop he picked himself up and climbed back out to be greeted by several VIPs trying to cover their grins. "OK, Ambassador, if you could send someone to guide us it would be appreciated."
"Of course Captain. Dyluk could you kindly show the Captain to sickbay," Spock replied, with what looked like the starting of a smile. Surely not.

*IN SICKBAY*
Doc Bob and Bashier sat in the corner.
"We really must find a way to contact the Bridge." said Bashier
"Why don't you use that superior intellect of yours, then!" Bob snapped. "Sorry Julian, that was uncalled for. I'm just worried what this Klingons could do if they got loose on the ship."
"Actually, I did have an idea. Unfortunately it would require re-configuring one of the medical tricorders to send sensor signals to the tactical station on the Bridge. As you can probably tell the Klingons won't just let us work on one." continued Bashier.
"What if I feigned illness? You could configure the tricorder while you were treating me," suggested Bob.
"You know Bob. It might just work."
So the two Doctors started to implement their plan.

*IN ENGINEERING*
Two parties of Klingon engineers appeared in the shimmering red beam of Klingon transporters. A surprised Vorrin Nal, in command due to RoToRa's absence, shouted "Who on Kedanya are you?"
A burly Klingon replied "We have been beamed here under the orders of Captain Jodmos to offer assistance in your repairs. What do you need done?"
Vorrin Nal thought to himself. "OK. Split your men up and each should go with one of my engineers. We need to realign the Starboard Plasma Power Coupling to be able to get the Warp Engines working properly. That should be our first priority. Then we need to get communications with the Bridge re-established."
Melota popped her head out of a Jefferies Tube and said, "Can I help in any way?"
Vorrin Nal point her towards the communication controls. "Fix that", he said as he headed off to his repairs.

*GAMMA TEAM, FERENGI TRANSPORTER ROOM*
The transporter platform exploded. "Oops," said RoToRa. "Uh, oh." said Maelwys.
Having had enough of the series of Oops'es, RoToRa activated his long-dormant link to the collective to gather specs of the Ferengi transporters. 73.6 milliseconds later, he had the required data to operate the control panels. He severed the link and quickly compared his newfound knowledge with the blackened remains of a thrice-exploded transporter console. Quickly, he set the remaining controls to sensible values, joined a few loose cables with each other and energized.
The transporter flickered, locked onto a target and began the transfer sequence. 3 seconds later, Melota was kneeling in front of RoToRa, visibly displeased with the fact that she was no longer able to operate the holoprojector....
"Oops", said RoToRa, repeating himself yet once more, in lack of a more fitting term.

*MEANWHILE, TEAM ALPHA*
Jenice quickly bowed down to check on the vital signs of Ace Rimmer. Having confirmed the mercenary superhero was still, albeit barely, alive, she nodded to Crusher with her best "we have more urgent things to do than tend to him" look. Meanwhile, Crusher had run a quick tricorder scan determining they were only separated by one wall from the bridge. He pulled his phaser, switched to a medium disintegration setting, motioned everyone to lie down and fired....

*MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE REUNION, SICKBAY*
Ja'Rod and his crew of enraged Klingons were really running out of patience. Someone just had to take command of the situation. "T'rbolFt", he snarled to one of his bullies. The unfortunate not-so-volunteer stepped into the lift and uttered "B-...b... r'itCh". Which is where the top half of the turbolift cabin promptly proceeded, leaving the bottom half in a freefall to main Engineering, two decks below. Ja'Rod uttered a rather untranslatable (and R-rated) Klingon curse.

*ON THE BRIDGE OF THE FERENGI SHIP*
The Ferengi Dai'Mon turned to his transporter chief. "Are all the females safely on the planet?" he demanded. The transporter chief quickly ran a scan.
"No Sir, two females remain aboard. One is in the transporter room and one is on this deck. I am initiating transport of th-". His sentence was cut off in mid-word as the wall behind him disintegrated and he died the grisly death of an expendable extra.

*BACK WITH TEAM GAMMA*
Still dazed, Melota tried to find out where she was when another transporter beam caught on to her and sent her to the planet below, leaving only her clothes....

*TEAM ALPHA*
Jenice felt the familiar tingle of a beginning transport, but instead of dematerialization only an empty feeling followed. Whatever sequence had been initiated had successfully been blocked by her portable Distortion Field. "Captain", she yelled, "someone is trying to beam me off-ship!"
"Dammit." was Crusher's very brief reply before he stood up and walked on the bridge to face the Ferengi Captain. "Dai'Mon, we demand an explanation for the abduction of a group of peaceful Federation citizens."
The Ferengi Captain turned around and stared at the group of intruders. "YOU AGAIN", he said, staring at Crusher.
"D...D...Dai'Mon S...Sol...", Crusher managed to stutter before his fainted body hit the deck.

*IN THE HOLODECK*
"Why haven't we heard from Melota?" Boss asked of the other Holograms.
"She disappeared!" The Goddess said, using her calm attitude. "No need to worry. This is only a minor setback. I have a plan...."

*IN THE BRIG*
"You don't work 10 years in a casino without breaking out of a holding cell or two." Tomek was almost finished bringing down the force field that surrounded the cell. "Just a little more.... Got it!" The force field sizzled off.

*ON THE FERENGI SHIP, GAMMA TEAM*
Melota had disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. The Gamma threesome was stunned. "Wh, where'd she go?" Dr. R'Mor wanted to know. "And why'd she leave her clothes?"
Maelwys asked. "I'm tracing the transport... They beamed her down to the planet!" "Why'd they do that?" Asked Dr. R'Mor. Maelwys and RoToRa stared blankly into space, looking for an answer.

*ALPHA TEAM*
As soon as Captain Crusher hit the floor, the rest of Alpha Team made their move. They needed to take the bridge from the Ferengi, and now. "Fire!" yelled jeff. Phaser fire hit the Ferengi manning the most important stations. But the Ferengi fired back.
"Uh-Oh." Said Willy Tom, proving, in fact, that was all he had said today.

*BETA TEAM*
"This should be the Bridge," said Roga.
"Yeah!" 7, Kurn, and Geezer Kes said in unison. "Opening the door..." a Ferengi disruptor beam nearly missed Roga by a few centimeters. "Rahh!" He ducked another.
"Close the door! Close the dooooorrrrrr!" Kurn demanded.
"Closing door... it won't budge."
"Well, then, we should join the fight." 7 said, always eager to battle. "Everyone, get out your phasers..."

*ALPHA AND BETA TEAMS, ON THE BRIDGE*
After a short fight, all the Ferengi had been neutralized. "What do we do now?" asked Kurn.
"Well, help Captain Crusher, and Ace, for starters." replied jeff.

*GAMMA TEAM*
"We should beam to the bridge, now that we have the transporters working." stated Maelwys.
"Agreed," said RoToRa and R'Mor in unison. The three moved to the Transporter platform. "Energizing..."

*ALPHA, BETA, AND GAMMA TEAMS*
Gamma Team materialized on the bridge. "What happened to Captain Crusher?" asked R'Mor.
"He just fainted..." The Geezer Kes trailed off.
"And Ace?" asked Maelwys.
"Oh, I'm fine, just re-alive-ing myself." Ace said.

*IN REUNION 10-FORWARD*
This was usually the busiest time of day for Puff. But no one was to be seen. "Helllllllooooooooo? Heeeeelllllllloooooo?" He said, to no avail. "Something must be up." he concluded.

*LAZARUS LONG'S XEPOLITE FREIGHTER, THE CAN'T CATCH ME*
KABOOM! Another PLASMADYNE RELAY exploded in a shower of sparks. Lazarus Long ran over to the wall containing another dozen or so, and replaced the destroyed equipment. At this rate, he would never reach his rendezvous with the Reunion, let alone resupply her. Now all he had to do was--
"Hey Lazy!", that would be his sometime-security chief/body guard/cook Misster.
Laz yelled up to the bridge, "What???"
"Nothing! I just got a D'DERIDEX-Class warbird on the screen, with a few K'VORTs as well. Want me to cloak?"
"Not you! You can cloak the ship though!"
"Ah darn," Misster activated the cloak. The Can't Catch Me faded into the background.

*BACK ON THE REUNION*
SIRNA KOLRAMI looked at his monitor. What the...? "Sir, I think that there is another ship out there. It just cloaked. It looked like a XEPOLITE FREIGHTER."
Everyone looked at him. "What now?" they asked in chorus.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK -- GEE, AREN'T THESE FUN?***

[Fade from black to a picture of 7/9]
They're back. The crew of the U.S.S. Voyager continues they're long journey home.
[Picture of 7/9]
This season on Voyager, the crew faces new challenges.
[Picture of 7/9]
Janeway finds a way to get the crew home, but at the cost of her morality.
[Picture of 7/9]
Will she take it?
[Picture of 7/9]
Be'lanna and Paris continue to explore their relationship
[Picture of 7/9]
The Doctor continues his search for a name
[Picture of 7/9]
And Seven continues to grow more human.
[Picture of 7/9]
All this, and more. This season on . . .
[Picture of 7/9 (with Voyager logo overtop)]
Star Trek: Voyager
[Picture of 7/9]
Starting in the beginning of October, on a station near you.
[Picture of 7/9, fading to black]

***BACK TO THE SHOW!!!>***

*ON THE REUNION - HOLODECK 3*
"What are we doing now?" The Green Knight stared down on the holoprojector.
"Uh, well... it is activated. That means...?" Kyle Riker wasn't sure what it meant.
"It means we are can move outta here," announce Boss.
"We can? -- Can we? -- Where to?" chorused the other Holograms.
Obviously Boss hadn't thought of that. He shrugged his shoulders. "To the bridge, I suppose..."
"I would suggest we check in sick bay first. Maybe they need out help there," Jack Crusher suggested.
"Oh, yes, that is a good idea. We could adjust our database to help out in emergencies..." Goddess of Empathy seemed to like the idea.
"Well, Melota has transferred our programs into the projector already. We just have to make sure it doesn't get destroyed." Jack grabbed the projector and looked out of the holodeck. No one was to be seen. "Let's hurry, maybe we can save the ship!"
"I am not sure the ship needs to be saved," the Green Knight muttered when he followed the others. When they arrived at the turbolift they found out it was not working. So wasn't the second. And the third. "What do we do now?" Every hologram looked at Boss, waiting for a solution. Before he could answer, a Romulan turned around the corner, and stared at the lift.
"Not this one also!" Tomek shouted. "I refuse to climb to the bridge." Then he recognized the others. "Holos on the rampage? What is going on on this ship??"
"We do not know," Goddess of Empathy admitted.
"But we intend to find out, buddy." Boss pointed to the Jefferies tube that was already open. No wonder, what with all the traffic it had lately experienced.
"We are on the way to Sickbay," Kyle Riker explained.
"Sickbay? Oh well, that's closer than the bridge anyways. It is just that I hate Jefferies tubes, especially Romulan ones."
Goddess of Empathy smiled in an almost evil way. "I can understand that. It's good luck that none of us has to climb through."
"But I thought...?" Tomek was rather confused by now.
"Oh, well," Boss understood what Goddess wanted to say. "We will go there. But deactivated. You are the flesh and blood one. So you will carry the projector."
"Me? Hey, wait...!" It was to late. Boss already had deactivated the holos, and Tomek stared at the projector, wishing he had the option to leave the heavy thing behind.

*ON THE FERENGI SHIP - BRIDGE*
"What now?" Tomalak stared at the chaos, trying to get an overview.
"Well, we could arrest those Ferengi for a lot of things," Captain Crusher, finally revived, said. "But I suppose that is futile. How many of our crewmembers are on board, except us?"
Jenice had already checked the lifeform readings. "None, Captain. But considering there were only few people on the Reunion herself there could hardly be more of us."
"I was just thinking..." RoToRa looked at the viewscreen, still showing the planet.
"Yes?" Crusher turned around, hoping his First Officer had an idea.
"I wonder," RoToRa sighed, "Who is in command of the Reunion now..??"

*ON THE REUNION - BRIDGE*
The command situation on the Reunion was changing that moment. Without warning, another Romulan warbird decloaked starboard and opened fire on Lazarus Long's Xepolite freighter without giving reason for that (despite the fact that the Can't Catch Me was cloaked). Unfortunately the Reunion was somewhat in the way, and though the shields were up (well, they were at minimum level) the ship was shaken badly. Spock was thrown in the air and fell down the turbolift shaft, and Alidar Jarok managed to bump into the others and knock them out. Ambassador Troi, due to the fact that she had been busy kneeling on the floor looking for her eyeliner she had lost seconds before, was the only one still conscious when the Romulan commander opened a channel to the Reunion.
"This is Commander Taris," a harsh voice said. "We want that man in the freighter for espionage against our government. Don't interfere."
"Oh my, oh dear!" Lwaxana stared at the unconscious rest of the crew. "What am I going to do now?" She rushed to the communications array and activated it. "Uhm, Commander Tarik--"
"Taris," the Romulan Commander sternly corrected.
"Whatever. Could you please hold?"
"Hold? There is no time to ho--" and Taris was cut off by the hellish sounds of the Reunion's extensive collection of elevator music.
Lwaxana twisted her hands together. "Oh, dear. What now?" She scanned the bridge. Security station, Science station, Navigation, Blackjack table, AH-HA! Lwaxy spied the Emergency Bridge Crew Waker-Upper (TM). She ran to the EBSWU and activated it. Immediately, ice-cold water poured from the ceiling, conveniently only getting the unconscious VIPs wet. They woke up with a start, only to be greeted by a hot air blower drying them off. Spock stood up. So did the rest of the Bridge Crew.
"Madam Troi, what is the situation?"
"There's a mean Romulan firing on a freighter. We're kinda in the way. I put her on hold."
Spock turned and faced the viewscreen. "Mr. Jarok, open communications to the Romulan ship."
The pained face of a Romulan, who had just been subjected to five minutes of "The Girl from Ipanima", appeared onscreen. "Argh! Now what is it?!?" Taris noticed Spock. "Who are you?!?"
"This is Ambassador Spock, in command of the Federation Starship Reunion. We demand you stop firing on that Xepolite freighter, mainly because your fire is hitting us, too. Also, why are those K'Vorts flanking you?" Spock also wanted to ask why all of these ships were in Ferengi territory, but he didn't bother.
Taris huffed, and terminated communications.
"Sir," Jarok announced. "Taris' ship has cut off communications, and two of the K'Vorts are opening direct fi--" Jarok's voice was cut off as the impact of torpedoes rocked the bridge. "Sirna, fire back, full power. Disable their main weapons." Ordered Spock.
Sirna shrugged. "With what weapons, sir?"
Lwaxy looked up in horror that they were without weapons.
"Oh boy..." Alidar mumbled.

*ON THE FERENGI BRIDGE*
"Sir," RoToRa spun around to the captain. "Our crew here is still rather injured. And we have just gotten reliable sensor scans from this ship. The Reunion is under severe attack, and most likely won't hold up much longer. And most of the crew of this ship is still here. We must do some--" RoToRa was cut off as power to the bridge was suddenly cut.
"Engineering," R'Mor whispered. "They must have cut power to the bridge from there."
"Then the most likely tactical move would be to--" Danar didn't finish his sentence. The turbolifts doors broke down and the Jefferies tubes collapsed straight down as dozens of armed Ferengi came pouring in.
"Run!" Jenice yelled, even though she had no command authority. Everyone did exactly as she said. Everyone provided cover fire as the Ferengi attacked with full force. Captain Crusher wasn't able to concentrate enough to stop all of them. And then suddenly, as if out of no where, a torpedo from the Warbird hit the Ferengi ship. "What in blazes--" a Ferengi yelped. Everything on the bridge went dark and it tumbled up and down until the Universe spun.

*SOMEWHERE IN THE REUNION'S JEFFERIES TUBES*
The ship rocked up and down, causing Tomek's head to bang and become very scratched up on the metal above. "Just a little more..." he whispered. There, finally he reached Sickbay. But the covering over it was sealed shut. He tried everything, but it would not come off. He banged so hard, forgetting the projector were in his clinched fist, and breaking two of the projectors. He gasped in horror, and then he heard whispering below. He yelled, hoping someone in Sickbay would hear him. Maybe it wasn't too late to fix the Projectors.

*IN THE SICKBAY*
The Klingons heard the yelling. "Ah, looks like your friends came to rescue you, pesky ones!" Two guards pumped up their disrupters and shot at the Jefferies tubes above.

*BACK IN THE JEFFERIES TUBES*
"Argh!" Tomek yelled. His leg had been hit, and he went tumbling down. He broke through the covering on waste disposal. Unfortunately, the projectors he was holding slipped into the waste below, lost in it all. And at this moment, the ship shock again, causing Tomek to fall into the waste, head first.

*IN THE REUNION'S TEN-FORWARD*
Puff watched as more of his antique glasses broke. He was tired of this. He ran out of Ten Forward and to Mot And Bot's Barbershop, which was across the hall. "Mot, Bot," he said, out of breath. "The ship could be destroyed any minute! We should evacuate," he cried urgently.
"All right," Mot said, calmly. They ran to the escape pod at the end of the hallway. None of them noticed Captain Spot the Cat sneak into the pod as it was jetisonned off.

*BACK ON THE FERENGI SHIP, SOMEWHERE*
Captain Crusher laid on his back, looking up at Roga Danar and 7. "Where are we?" he asked, out of breath. Roga stepped over to a console. "On a Ferengi escape pod. When the explosion hit the bridge, we took it as a distraction and reached the escape pod. We'll be landing on Vilmar I, hopefully before more disruptor fire hits."
Captain Crusher looked relived. "Is the entire crew here?"
Roga looked down at his console. "Unfortunately, no, sir. Jenice, 7, Ace, Kurn, Kes, you, and me are here. But the remaining were unable to reach the pod in time. And the Ferengi ship just warped away, sir," Roga had a large hint of anger in his voice. The pod fell silent.
"About to initiate emergency landing on Vilmar I," Kurn announced.
"Aiming for the least, um, populated area," Ordered Crusher. There was a hint of nervousness in his voice.

*IN THE FERENGI BRIG DECK*
RoToRa woke up to find himself alone, in a single forcefield cell. He looked across himself to see R'Mor in a cell, unconscious. Maelwys was in a neighboring cell, with the same fate. And he strained his eyes to see jeffpicard, sleeping, probably not unconscious, beside him, along with Tomalak on the other side, who was most likely sleeping, too. And he heard the familiar warp sounds of the Ferengi Ship. He saw nearly a dozen guards surrounding the brig deck.
A Ferengi grinned. "Hope you all enjoy being slaves, because the Letheans just bought you all for a handsome price. We have already rendevoued with them fifteen light years away from Vilmar I and your precious ship. The delegates should be here at any moment."
RoToRa had no plan in his mind of what to do.

*IN THE FERENGI ESCAPE POD*
"We're detecting an escape pod coming out of the Reunion," 7 said.
"What?!" Captain Crusher wanted to know.
"Well, sure, they've taken a lot of damage, but from what I can see, nowhere near enough to start evacuation."
"Who's on it?" Captain Crusher asked.
"The readings are jumbled... but it looks like three... possibly four... individuals."
"Have they set a course to the planet as well?," The Captain inquired.
"It appears their heading is similar to ours. They should land near where we do ," Kurn did his best to read what the Ferengi Navigation Sensors were telling him.
"Whoever's on that pod will have a lot of explaining to do..." The Captain commented.

*ON THE REUNION BRIDGE*
"We're loosing shields!" Sirna yelled frantically.
"That is grossly obvious, Mr. Kolrami," Spock said pessimism dripping from his voice. "What systems do we have left?"
"We have minimal power to many of the non-essential systems, as well as Life Support, Tractor Beam, and Warp Power."
Spock sighed. "We've done all we can here. Set a course back to Kedanya. I only hope our crew on the Ferengi ship has fared better..."
"Sir..." Jarok sounded quite confused. "An escape pod has been launched from deck 10."
"Who is on it?"
"It appears to be Mr. Bot and Mr. Mot, as well as 1 or 2 life signs I can't identify..."
"Is the pod within Tractor Beam range?"
"Negative, sir."
Spock thought for a moment. "Do we have functional transporters?"
"I really don't know... I can try..." Jarok replied.
"Then try," Spock ordered. "Beam all on that escape pod to the bridge, immediately."
"Aye, sir... I can only get a lock on two of them, sir."
"Very well, energize and then set a course to Kedanya, Warp 2." As The two Bolians materialized on the bridge of the Reunion, the ship set course back to Kedanya, at a slow limp.

*IN THE BRIG OF THE FERENGI SHIP*
Maelwys woke up, feeling very groggy. "Where are we?" he asked.
"Shhhh..." replied RoToRa. "We're in the Ferengi Brig."
"What do we do now?" Maelwys asked.
"I'm working on that..."

*IN WASTE DISPOSAL*
Tomek was neck-high in garbage. "Uhhhhhkkkk.. Yucckkkkkk..... Ewwwwww...... Mmmmm, That smells like Pizza.. Uuuuurrrggg...... peeee-Uuuu." Tomek commented as he waded through the garbage towards the door, having forgotten the Holoprojector in the waste sludge.

*IN THE FERENGI ESCAPE POD*
"Entering the atmosphere... Everybody hold on!" Kurn stated without need, for there was nothing to hold on to. "Rahhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh! Wahhhhhhhh!" The well-choreographed crew screamed in unison. "5 seconds till impact! 4.... 3.....2......" There was a massive thud, and all the lights went black in the escape pod.

*BRIDGE OF THE CAN'T CATCH ME*
"MISSTER!!!!", Laz screamed at the other crew member of the Can't Catch Me, "WHAT IN THE GREAT BIRD'S NAME IS GOING ON?"
"Two points: Number 1, stop yelling. Number 2, I think the Rommies have finally caught up with us after we participated in that Quash Conspiracy. Taris wants your hide bad."
"Oh lovely. Open fire on her new Warbird with those System 5 Disruptors I stole, er, obtained in Cardassian Space. Nobody messes with a General in the Tal Shiar and lives to regret it."

*ON THE REUNION*
Lwaxana Troi eagerly awaited the entering into warp space, except in that moment, part of a disruptor salvo hit the crippled ship and knocked out the engines, dropping the ship out of warp speed. The violent rocking caused by the salvo caused the bridge crew to collide with each other once again. They were now unconscious with the exception of Lwaxy. She moaned.

*IN THE FERENGI BRIG*
Maelwys thought desperately on how to get out. "No, nope, that won't work, I don't have a spanner...."
*BACK ON THE CAN'T CATCH ME*
"Uh Oh. Wrong warbird." Misster quickly re-aimed the little crosshairs on the main viewer to its proper target. Another salvo was let loose and slammed into the proper Warbird. Laz reached the bridge and asked what was going on. "Weellll, I missed." Misster defended, "I thought you meant the newer built Warbird, not the other one!"
Laz looked at the Holographic system's display. "You fired on the Reunion???? Sheesh. . . Ok that's it. When we next get a shot off, beam over to Taris' vessel and capture it."
Misster's grin reached both bulkheads. He abandoned his post and ran for the Transporter. Laz took the recently occupied seat and began to pound the Romulans and the K'vorts which also happened to open fire.

*ON THE PLANET*
No life stirred around the crash site. A hatch popped open and Wesley Crusher crawled out. "Now what?"

*ON THE REUNION BRIDGE*
"Wake up you fools!" Lwaxana shouted at the top of her lungs, but no one was ready to end their nap just yet...

*ON THE PLANET*
"Crusher to Reunion: is anyone there??"
"It's no good Captain, either they can't hear us or they aren't listening" Jenice informed Wes.
7 had a suggestion. "Perhaps if we used the Ferengi Pod's emergency transmitter we'd have better luck?"

*IN THE FERENGI BRIG*
RoToRa and Maelwys began to discuss their options for escape. "It's simple, we just break out of here, take over the ship and get back to the Reunion, it couldn't be any simpler!" said Maelwys.
"Sure but How do you plan on getting out of here?"
"Can you two keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep here!" yelled Tomalak.
"Huh? wha? Where?" Asked jeffpicard as he finally awoke. "What's going on??"
"We're in the Ferengi Brig." answered Maelwys.
"Yeah, and Mael's brilliant plan is to simply break out and take over the ship..." griped RoToRa. "But we haven't figured out just how yet."
Jeffpicard walked to the front of his cell. "Ow" he said when he hit the forcefield. "Well, there goes my plan."
"At least the guards are gone for now" RoToRa remarked.

*IN THE REUNION ESCAPE POD*
"We should hit the planet soon." Puff muttered, partly to himself and partly to the tabby cat he'd just realised had joined him in the Pod. "Atmosphere in 5... 4... 3.." Puff read off the countdown display.

*ON THE PLANET*
There was a loud noise in the sky and the entire Reunion group looked up to see what it was.
"It's another escape pod" Ace yelled.
"The Ferengi?" Kes asked.
"No! This one's from the Reunion!" answered Captain Crusher.
"It's headed straight for us!!" Jenice screamed. "Run!!"
Crusher glared at Jenice. "I'm the Captain and I'll give the orders." Crusher informed her. "Therefore . . . RUN!"
And everyone ran out of the way of the escape pod -- except, of course, for Ace, who appeared to be crushed when the pod landed right on top of him.

*ON THE BRIDGE*
Lwaxy shook with another torpedo blast. "By the Holy Rings! What should I do?" She thought aloud, but there was obviously none to hear her. "Uh... Mr, Computer?" The computer acknowledged her with a 'Beep'. "Um... What should I do? I mean, how do I stop the ship from being blown up?"
"The System you are using, is out of order. Please try again later." came the infuriatingly calm computer's response.
"Later!!!!???!?!?!???!!?!?!?" was Lwaxy's not so calm response.

*ON THE PLANET*
"Puff!?!?!" The Captain Inquired as the Dragon made his way out of the escape pod, although it's generally very hard to mistake a dragon for anyone else.
"Yes?" the gentle giant replied.
"What are you doing here!?!?"
"The ship was being destroyed -" Puff got cut off.
"It was not!!!" The Captain yelled, even though there was no reason too.
"Well, it sure felt like it" said Captain Spot, emerging from the escape pod.
"Spot!?!!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!" The Entire Away team said in Unison.

*IN THE CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM*
"Where are we?" inquired Bot.
"It looks like we're in the Captain's Ready Room." replied Mot.
"And why are we in here?" asked Bot.
"We were beamed here." replied Mot.
"Well, Why?" asked Bot.
"I don't know. But the ship obviously wasn't being destroyed." said Mot.
"So where is Puff?" asked Bot.
"He must be on the planet." replied Mot.
"What do we do know?" asked Bot.
"Well, this reminds me of a time when I was on Celtius Prime, with a group of Naausicans..."
"Oh Boy..." muttered Bot.

*ON THE PLANET*
Just as the escape pod landed, the wind generated by its landing thrusters flung Ace Rimmer out of the way of death, into some nearby shrubs, and onto the top of a very . . . unclothed Melota, who promptly screamed.

*N THE FERENGI BRIG*
Dr. R'Mor emerged from a groggy sleep. "Where are we?" he managed to say.
"Shhhh..." said jeffpicard. "We're in the Ferengi Brig."
"Ah, ha!" Cried RoToRa. "I think I've figured this out..." He tried to walk out of his cell.
BZZZZZZZ! The force field, needless to say, stopped him. "Nix that idea." moaned RoToRa, obviously in pain.

*ON THE BRIDGE*
Lwaxy could sense a presence in the Ready Room. She pried open the door, and entered, obviously in the middle of a conversation. "...And that's how I invented Honey Flavored Isoliniar Chips... Now as for the other story about how I single handedly traveled back in time to 2010 and ended the Evil rein of Microsoft..." One Bolian was talking, with the other one looking like he was ready to commit suicide. "Hello?" inquired Lwaxy.
"Ah, maybe you can explain what we're doing here." stated Mot.
"Oh boy," Sighed Lwaxy, getting a feeling of what she'd gotten herself into....

*ON THE PLANET*
Melota screamed. It wasn't a very loud scream, as screams go, but it was enough to startle Ace. He jumped up, only to fall back onto his bottom because of a sprained ankle. "Ow. Um, uh, where's your, um. Oh, dear." He was understandably flustered. Ace turned around to give her some privacy, in the process realizing he'd cracked two ribs.
Melota scrambled back into the bushes. "The Ferengi transporter removed my clothes during transport. Oh, and is that the crew from the Reunion I hear?"
By now, Ace had recovered his composure. "Sure is, but we've crashed here." Suddenly, inspiration hit him. "And I know how to save us!"

*IN THE FERENGI BRIG*
"I think I know what to do!" Dr. Bob enthusiastically said, now fully awake. He got up and walked toward the Door. BZZZZZZZZZ! The Force field threw him across his cell. "Or maybe not..." he said.

*ON THE PLANET*
"What do we do now?" Said the impatient chorus of crew members, directed at the Captain.
"Don't look at me" stated Captain Crusher.
"Well I know!" A voice yelled from the brush a little ways from where everyone stood.
"Who said that?" Crusher demanded.
"'Tis me!" Ace Rimmer said, limping out of the brush.
"I thought that the escape pod smashed you!" 7 said.
Ace brushed himself off. "Actually, the powerful wind that came from the escape pod just before it landed threw my into the foliage over there." He pointed in the direction from whence he came. "But I did sprain my ankle and I'm sure I broke a few ribs."
"So what do we do, Ace?" They all asked, ignoring Crusher who was looking up in the sky, wondering what was going on up there.

*ON THE REUNION*
"I'll tell you what you're doing here, Mot!" Lwaxy said, thinking evil thoughts. "You're here because you tried to steal an escape pod from the Reunion and we beamed you back."
"We only did it because we thought that the ship was going to be destroyed!" Bot said in their defense.
"Well that's in the past. But now I need to know if either of you can run a starship." Troi fluttered her eyelashes.
"To tell you the truth, I invented the modern starship interface design. Yep, back in-" Mot was cut off by Bot screaming and rushing towards Mot with a razor blade in hand.

*ON THE PLANET*
Ace started to give out instructions, "First, 7, go put this in the pod's audio system." He tossed 7 an Isoliniar Chip. 7 ran off to the escape pod. "Second we need to re-align the escape pods RTS Thrusters to lift it off the planet. We can use parts off the Ferengi pod to help."
Crusher snapped out of his trance. "Hey! I'm in command here!" They all stared at him oddly. "Uh. Do what Ace said."
Just then 7 jumped out of the pod and said. "Got it!" Suddenly U2's "Mysterious Ways" blared out of the escape pod.
"Now we can work!" Ace said smiling. Everyone dispersed and started working while U2 played on in the background.

*IN THE READY ROOM*
Noticing that his life was in danger, Mot decided to stop talking about "his" accomplishments. Bot responded by not killing him. "Okay, can we run the ship now?" Lwaxy asked the Bolians. The three of them walked onto the Bridge and Mot and Bot began to try to figure out the controls.

*ON THE PLANET*
"I still don't know what happened to Bot or Mot." Puff informed the Captain, whose temporary command lapse had subsided.
"The Emergency Return must have beamed them back to the ship, as no one had given an order to abandon." Crusher reasoned. "The big question is why weren't you beamed back with them."
"Captain!" Ace interrupted, " Captain, I believe we can get back to the ship now!"
"Good work, everyone into the Pod!"
Over in the bushes there was a rustling. "Uhhh... Captain, I'd like to come too.... but my uniform seems to have remained on the Ferengi ship." Melota said.
"Well we can take care of that..." the Captain informed her. "We put extra uniforms on all the Reunion escape pods, though it'll be the wrong size..."
Ace brought her a uniform. The captain reasoned that Ace should go, "just in case there's something poisonous over there." Melota joined the rest of the stranded people in the pod, in a slightly oversized uniform...

*IN THE FERENGI BRIG*
"Okay, so now we've all walked into the forcefields" jeffpicard noted, "And all four of them are definitely on."
"What about Tomalak?" R'Mor inquired.
"He's sleeping, We don't think we should wake him until we've got a way out." RoToRa stated. "Could you absorb the forcefield energy with one of your old borg thingies?" Maelwys asked RoToRa.
RoToRa replied, "I hadn't considered it... I don't know if it'll work though..." RoToRa sat down, deeply in thought. After several minutes in which it almost seemed the Borg had fallen asleep, he jumped up and thrust his arms towards the forcefield. BZZZT, the shock almost threw him back, but he had already seen what he wanted to see. He snapped off his eyepiece and attached it to a programming interface at his arm.

*BACK ON THE PLANET*
An escape pod was definitely a very tight place to be in for so many people, but as soon as Ace Rimmer hit the engine start button, a 4 G force hit the inhabitants and turned them into an "Ouch"-yelling clump of bodies at the bottom. "Get off my hand, whoever is on it!" Captain Crusher yelled. "Someone will have to steer this thing and I'm probably the only one who can do it by the feel of space around here."

*IN THE FERENGI BRIG*
RoToRa took the eyepiece off the interface and lay flat down on the floor. He then proceeded to hold his one arm down with the other.
"Doing Borg gymnastics ?" R'Mor commented. RoToRa did not answer but instead lay perfectly still. Suddenly the eyepiece shot out of his titanium fingers, passed the forcefield as if it wasn't there, ricocheted off the ceiling, then off the rear wall and impacted on the console. The forcefield in front of RoToRa's cell fizzled. Immediately RoToRa was on his legs and ran to the console, stopping only for a millisecond to pick up his eye. He pushed three more buttons, three more forcefields fizzled. "Someone wake that Romulan," RoToRa yelled, "and then get over here and touch me! QUICK!"

*IN THE ESCAPE POD*
Still accelerating at 4 G's, the escape pod made its way towards the fighting ships. Melota made every attempt to get off whatever arm she was lying on but somehow her loose uniform seemed to have gotten stuck in at least four places.

*IN THE FERENGI BRIG*
As soon as R'mor arrived, half dragging a very tired Romulan Ambassador, RoToRa extended a hand to him, touched him and thumped on his own chest. The emergency transponder went off, triggered the Reunion's transporter and they dissolved in a sparkle of energy just three seconds before a rather curious Ferengi security detail could notice the four inmates being in a place they should not be in.

--Editor's Note: If you are interested, the Reunion uses a special Long-Range Transporter Recall System (or LRTRS). This system works only when required by the plot, and is incredibly stubborn when not so required. When it does work, it is capable of a range of over 20 light years, and can beam through shields. The LRTRS is not compatible with either Duct Tape or Bubble Gum. This is how RoToRa's Away Team was able to beam 15 light years from the Ferengi ship to the Reunion.

*REUNION BRIDGE*
Another alert klaxon went off. Lwaxy looked at the console and cursed. "Dangit! Intruder Alert in Transporter Room 3... Barbers, this is going to get hot..."

*TRANSPORTER ROOM 3*
RoToRa and the others materialized on the platform. "Get the snooze to sickbay", RoToRa motioned to R'mor before racing off towards the bridge.

*REUNION BRIDGE*
Mot stared at Lwaxy, mouth open, when yet another alert went off. Nobody even had time to look at a console when the computer voice went off: "Collision alert! Unidentified object on collision course with the Reunion. Impact in 37 seconds. Survival chance seven percent."
"Uh-Oh", Mot commented.

*IN THE CORRIDORS*
RoToRa had just broken the Borg Collective record for the 400 yards sprint when the Collision alert went off. Still 100 yards straight ahead to go and the energy sources of his implants were failing. He could only hope the automatic door openers were still in function when he used his last remaining energy to make a massive jump towards the bridge door and in midair crouched his body to as close a ball-like form as possible.

*ON THE BRIDGE*
The doors hissed, and onto the bridge rolled a Borg Sphere (or spheroid Borg?) going at close to 50 M.P.H. WHACK, SPLAT, SPRAWL and two dazed barbers lay bowled down with as did a dazed Betazoid in their middle. Slightly braked by this impact, RoToRa rolled on and hit the main viewscreen where he unfolded and lay still. The eyepiece he had still been clutching fell out of his hand and came to rest in front of the Captain's Chair.

*IN THE ESCAPE POD*
Crusher felt the presence of a massive object in the trajectory of the escape pod. Having no way to influence the navigational panels of the Pod, he summoned what little he had in mental energy to swing around the escape pod 180 degrees. After a split second of an empty feeling in his head, the lines of space twisted around the Captain and the escape pod began to lose speed as fast as it had been gaining it. "Ace, how long will these engines burn?" Ace Rimmer calculated in his head, but before he could come up with an answer, the engines themselves answered by gradually decreasing thrust until the Pod's inhabitants were weightless, but the pod was still far too fast to survive a collision with a starship. . . .

*REUNION ENGINEERING*
Maelwys had taken the way to Engineering from the transporter pad when he heard the computer voice "Colliding object slowed down, new impact projection in 13 seconds." He fumbled in his pockets, revealing nothing but a roll of Duct Tape. 'Duct Tape', he thought... 'Truck Drape...Tract Dope... Tract or... TRACTOR!!!' "Computer, lock Tractor beam on incoming object and pull to full stop alongside Reunion". A neutral beep was all he received back from the computer as acknowledgement.

*IN THE ESCAPE POD*
Crusher was mentally counting down the seconds to impact when suddenly he had weight again, caused by a massive force having locked onto the hull of the pod. With a force just barely tolerable by a humanoid body, the pod was decelerated to a full halt. A minute later, far less than halfway recovered from the deceleration, the Captain took a look out of the window. Floating just ten miles outside the pod was the Reunion. He activated his insignia communicator and called out, "Captain Crusher to Reunion, Reunion, can anyone hear me?"

*LOST IN THE CORRIDORS*
Tomek was not at all sure what to do next when his communicator chirped. He tapped it and answered "Captain ? I do read you, faintly but clearly".
"Tomek, get someone who knows how to work a transporter. We're on an escape pod alongside and need to be beamed aboard."
'Hmmm... Transporter,' Tomek thought, 'Where the heck can I find... Engineering!' He walked off to Engineering, content to finally do something useful in this disaster

*IN ENGINEERING*
After only eight minutes of confused Romulan explanations, Maelwys understood that it could be a good idea to beam the contents of the escape pod to the Reunion bridge and did so.

*IN WASTE DISPOSAL*
With a flicker, the Holoprojector activated. All five holograms stored within shimmered into existence in the middle of the Waste Sludge. "Tomek?" Called Jack Crusher. "Tooommmmek?"
Boss growled. "Aww, sh-"
"Ah, ah." Admonished the Goddess of Empathy. "Be at peace. Embrace the stench."
The other four holos glared at the Goddess and yelled. "Oh, shut up!"

*ON THE BRIDGE*
Crusher materialized and surveyed the damage to the ship and crew. What he saw was not to his liking. He gave Melota a wink to tend to the injured and asked Ace, "Do you have a piloting license ?" Ace nodded and took a seat at Conn. "Then get us out of here at whatever you have, up to a safe distance."
"Aye, sir."
"Computer, crew count", Crusher asked. "All crewmembers have been accounted for." the sterile voice reported. "That's one piece of good news", said Crusher. "Engage, Mister Rimmer". The Reunion's engines started humming at a comforting sound when suddenly a flash, far brighter than the one caused by the Warp jump blinded the crew. When they were able to see again, the sparkling four arms of Kedanya were on the viewscreen. Dazed, Crusher asked "What wa-" but never managed to finish his question. With a jovial "Bonjour, mon Capitaine", someone tapped Crusher on the shoulder. Crusher turned around, just to stare into the grin of Q.
There was only one thing he could say...
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

*THE END*